Sexually Transmitted Disease
One of my worst nightmares is waking up in the morning, looking over to see who I slept with, and then seeing someone lying down in my bed in a wheelchair. It's my worst nightmare not because I'm disable-ist, but because after looking at the cripple, I look back at my own legs, and I'M in a wheelchair.
Taste The Rainbow
Why is it that leprechauns and gay people both claim rainbows as their own? How come I've never seen a gay leprechaun?
That's Not A Birth Control Patch
I was stumbling through the TV channels today and landed on the SOAP channel and there was a naked dude with a pirate patch over his eye, in a bed with a naked woman, making out with her. My first thought: If I wore a pirate patch, would I get more girls (like that's possible, RIGHT)? My second thought: Somebody should make a channel devoted to guys with pirate patches making out with women, 24/7.
Emo Knock-Knock Joke
knock knock.
Oh, who's there?
nobody…nobody. ever.
Oh. Well…um, I'm sorry.
Someone Who Doesn't Get That Commercials Aren't Real
“That would suck if you were at a funeral and you were hungry. Everyone would know that you're thinking Arby's because of the logo over your head and they'd think you're disrespectful and you'd be so embarrassed!”
Baby Sips
If you were pregnant and got really drunk like an hour before you were going to have your baby, would the baby come out drunk? That would be an interesting way to start out life. I mean you probably already feel really fucked up when you come out of the vag into a new, bright, scary world, but this way you'd feel really fucked up.
Unconditional Love
My parents are coming up to visit me at my dorm tomorrow, buuuut…it's a Saturday, so I gots to party still. Hopefully I don't get really drunk and sleep with both of them!
Labels: hopefully i sleep with just one