This weekend I get to move. Next door.
Not too many people ever move next door to where they live. I guess I'm one of the lucky ones.
You see, amid every other crazy aspect of my messed up, overly dramatic, relatively-litigious life, I've had a mold problem. I asked management to do stuff about it but they didn‘t really focus too hard on it and I didn‘t really care because, as I may have mentioned, I just had too much crap going on.
Then, a month later, the complex's representatives followed up on the mold problem and deemed my apartment unlivable. Sometimes I wonder if most of the world is unlivable, but I digress.
So the landlady discounted my current lease, extended me a new lease at a discounted rate, and moved me into a place with a nicer view. This new apartment is directly behind my old apartment. The floor plan is the same, only inverted. What was once on the left will now be on the right and vice versa.
It's kind of strange.
I'm slowly moving my stuff down the hall and into my new apartment. I don't exactly know where I live now because I am between apartments that are right next to each other. At least I can pinpoint a specific area. That's more than most homeless can say.
As a writer, one of my obligations is to describe bizarre experiences in a manner that everyone can understand. Often times I use similes.
Hey, I know, how about I use a simile?
Moving into an apartment that is the mirror opposite of yours is like waking up to find your shirt on sideways.
Nope, didn‘t work. Let's try again.
Moving into an apartment that is the mirror opposite of yours is like waking up to find your hair parted on the wrong side and your watch on the wrong hand.
Yeah, that seems fitting. Even for a kid that doesn‘t own a watch.
So I guess moving next door really is no big deal but it's how it's no big deal that seems strange, like going to Germany and drinking a beer in a Burger King. Or walking into a strip club to collect money from a stripper. Everything is normal but the paradigm seems slightly skewed.
Which sadly, could be a metaphor for my entire existence.