Nick Gaudio Presents…
Part 1 of his 16 part series…
My Best Orgasms, Part I:
Showtime.
I was 12.
It was hot summer night in Ridgeley, West Virginia. For some reason, we had Showtime. Channel 21.
I would watch MTV's Loveline (channel 42) until Beverly Hills Bordello would come on around 12:30. At first, I didn't stop and watch…given the serious risk of that severe disease known by many as the “My mother walking in on me jacking off and then asking, ‘DO YOU WANT A FISH SANDWICH FOR DINNER?'” syndrome. Unfortunately, this happened, causing weeks of damage to my ablity to achieve and/or maintain an erection. Luckily, the hormones clicked in, forced my finger into an outdoor electrical socket and now I have trouble remembering the ages 2, 4, 6, 8, 10, and 12-18…as well as last weekend with your mother.
So yeah, after I was healed of MMWIOMJOATADYWAFSFDS by my retardedly high libido, I was able to rig a very clever lock on my door and prepare for what my friends had dubbed “a tickle that hurts.”
Then, utilizing my full potentional as a horny newly-pubescent boy, I remembered that I could always bail out with the red button on my remote: the previous channel button. To use this escape device, my plan would go as follows: I would go to channel 20, The Weather Channel, before I would go to Showtime. If my mother, sister, aunt or dog walked in, I would quickly take my hand off my cock, push the red button and simply look like a self didactic scholar of meteorology and not some sort of “shameful pervert”*. (I would later come to find out that this is not the case).
The first night was glorious; the second involved some old socks and a high velocity fan. The third: a 500-count cotton sheet and a two-hour marathon of Beverly Hills Bordello. It got better and better and fuzzier and more odorous in my room until finally, Showtime cut off our cable plan and I was forced to resort to non-fantasy sex with my babysitter.
To this day, I still don't know what a Bordello is; but, as my 12-year-old self would say, “I don't give a fuck; I'm horny Sally, put my weiner in your mouth.”
Though, it is true… non-fantasy lipjobs sustain my appetite for now.
Next Week:
My Best Orgasms Part II of our 16 part series:
Promiscuous Teenage Naked Dry-humping (for fucking 3 years of waiting and getting no penetration!) ARGH.
Read | all | of | these.
*Nick Gaudio grew up in a morbidly Catholic home