My Uncle Bruce's Fairy Tales
He's kind of drunk when I sit on his lap. I'm seven; he's thirty-one.
But apparently, my Uncle Cupid works with this Gay named Shuckie Malone. You know Shuckie Malone.
Shuckie is about twenty dollops of butter cream high and about thirty saltine boxes wide. Shuckie loves Candy. Candy loves Shuckie. Shuckie makes Candy bastagily. I mean, really, really bestagily. Sickest shit in the word you eva seen. They've been “going out” for a ten years.
That's a long time in OakGlen Village!
But OakGlen Village didn't pan out. No sirree. Candy and Shuckie just moved into a small police in Hershey city.
Shuckie took up tapping on rooftop craters. Candy got work at the gas station beside their police. Candy worked long hours and sold himself to a pack of the American Consumer. But don't get my Uncle Devon started on that. Snap. Snap. Snicket.
Shuckie eventually got this serious, pardon my Uncle Harley-Grumpy's language, fuckin' gig for Broadway or some shit. He was on Broadway for fuckin' twenty years after the credits loved his cobble-gobble. But like all fuckin' credits, they left him in the rain like pissing on a parade of fuckin' poodles.
But does bear a shit in the woods?
I dunno but a carebear sure shits sunshine.
But hell, my Uncle Lester has a good job, too.
Now what was I sayin'?
Fin.
—–
Welcome to hell…………
Test time!!!!!!
Test time!!!!!!
Please answer the following questions…
1) Who rocks more: John Deere or Edward Cunningham?
2) Where did Jimmy run to find shelter from that tornado in '87?
3) What collar was that blue truck? No, not that truck. It was a Dodge. A Ram. Hell yeah those things are fuckin' billy goats of machine…?
4) Why doesn't anybody watch Wonder Showzen?
5) Why are all these Greeks movin' into the neighborhood? Why don't they make more baklava? It's good shit, ya know!…?
6) How many reasons are there to not. get. married.? What is Uncle Wayne's opinion of marriage (please list his “diseases” in alphabetical order)…?
7) minutes… in heaven?
…?
8) Isn't “Uncle Leonard” a bad name? Why do you think we decided to not use “Uncle Leonard” in this piece…except, of course, for this question……?
9) Should we go to… ten?
Fin.