Just kidding…I wanted to see how many people we could get to view this blog.
Anyway, here's day two of the blog.
Nate: How in the fuck did Grady Little get his managerial gig with the Dodgers? I mean, what the fuck is this guy's problem? He understands that in baseball you have to make decision before shit hits the fan, right? Not after? Honestly, I could do a better job managing in the playoffs… drunk… while getting head and playing scrabble. What the fuck, right?
How funny is it that ESPN rushed Joe Morgan out of the Mets game (essentially saying that it wasn't as important as the Yankees game) only so it could be rained out. I like to imagine God getting tapped on the shoulder, saying to his aid, “Look, I don't worry about sports” only to have his aid reply with, “You're not gonna believe the crap ESPN is pulling.” And then deciding to rain on the stupidity. And yes, I've been drinking. Just take that for granted.
I'll bet Court Sullivan couldn't name five teams in the playoffs right now.
You know what's funny, Nick Gaudio smokes pot. How high strung do you think he'd be if he didn't? He'd probably be as intense as you. I just hope you two never play against each other in darts or anything. The resulting injuries could set PIC back several months.
In St. Louis right now, they're so freaking happy, they've actually talked themselves into Jeff Weaver for Game 2. Don't believe me? Fine, here are the exact words from my stepdad (a baseball realist): “You know, Jeff had a few good outings down the stretch, there.” Tell me that's not exactly like saying, “You know, Tim McCarver does make the occasional point”?
Speaking of which, whose gonna put a the first Timmy Mac rip of the MLB exchange? I did it last year.
Honestly, I'm almost at the point where I would let Pujols have whatever he wants form me. Car, girlfriend, house, sister… he can name it and it's his. As long as he promised never to leave St. Louis.
How would you like to kill Tim McCarver? (Bonus points if you get all amped up on some red bull and do one of those imfamous Justin-Rebello-rip-off-riffs)
Oh yeah, I know I don't need to ask, but I'd love your take on the two guys thrown out at the same base on the same play. But I want to give you a handicap. Throughout the whole rant, you can't use the word Grady or Little.
You're still unemployed right? I mean, it's not like you don't have the free time.
I LIVE FOR THIS!
Justin: All right, first before I forget, here's my All-Gay Team.
C – Pierzinski (no clue how that's spelled)
1B – Nick Swisher
2B – Adam Kennedy (for his girly slap against that guy on the Rangers)
SS – Miguel Tejada
3B – Who the fuck do you think?
LF – Lance Berkman (solely based on my working knowledge of famous Lances)
CF – Jim Edmonds
RF – Bobby Abreu (he looks like my old roommate Phill, who used to wear that blindfold thing while he slept so he didn't get crow's feet).
Only two Yankees on that list? I'm slippin'.
My franchise would be the San Antonio Coons. It's been awhile since we had a real racist team name. Plus, I love Texas as a sports state. You could charge admission to watch two people throwing poop at each other and it'd sell out in Texas. I have a recurring joke about a KY Warming Jelly Stadium, but at the rate we're headed, the Marlins will be playing there in five years. Let's just quit while we're ahead.
Now, some thoughts on Day 2
If you told me the dumbest decision being made by someone in a Dodger uniform would not have been made by Grady Little, I'd have chuckled. But that third base coach, boy he makes Dale Sveum look like an air traffic controller at Dulles.
I gotta say, I watched the whole Mets-Dodgers game and never once thought to myself, “Boy that Joe Morgan sure is insightful, if only he would be in the booth for the Yankee game later on.” It's bad enough Ashton Kutcher is involved in two movies released in the same week, we need to have a stick of Doublemint with Joe Fuckin Morgan?
I love all that crap you hear about the home field advantage of the Metrodome crowd. Are these the same people who show up in the tens for regular season games then randomly appear when the team is good? More people are going to Nick Gaudio's 21st birthday than a Twins game in June.
I can't believe how crappy some of the playoff pitching matchups are. Tomorrow you've got Weaver vs. Wells, then Maddux vs. Glavine. What is this? 1994? Anyone want to go watch “Lion King” in theatres? Hey, who wants to listen to an Ace of Base CD?
The Twins are FUCKED.
I'll tell you one thing about McCarver, he really makes me appreciate my favorite team not being involved this postseason. The past three years, I'd get so wound up, he'd say something stupid and I'd either miss it or summon all my psychic energy to make him burst into flames. Now I can fully sit back and appreciate how dumb he is. It's refreshing. I feel like I'm on vacation.
If they put McCarver and Morgan in the same booth, I wonder what it would sound like. Here's my educated guess.
Morgan: Yankees Yankees Yankees. Yankees Yankees. Yankees.
McCarver: Yankees Yankees. Yankees Yankees Yankees Yankees. Yankees Yankees.
Morgan: Yankees?
McCarver: Yankees!
To answer your question, yes, I still have no job. But this is kind of nice. I roll out of bed at noon, grab a beer and a sandwich and watch baseball. It would be perfection were it not for the scorching abyss that is my adulthood. Until tomorrow…