How come most rappers rap about how good they are at rapping? That seems really stupid. I think rap is the only artistic endeavor that lets you go on about how great you are at going on about how great you are.

I asked my friend Kevin how long he plans on living in Florida, and he told me that he plans on staying “off and on.” I asked how long he planned on staying “off and on” and he told me: “for however long it takes.” I asked him what “it” was and he told me that “it” was the stuff that was taking him so long to do. I asked what that stuff was and he told me to consider a career in minding my own business. If he had just told me that from the beginning, we could have avoided this entire paragraph.

The hurricane hype is coming in droves. Meteorologists are pontificating, insurance companies are on non-bind status in South Florida, and yours truly will be stocking up on cigarettes (practically currency during a hurricane), beer (so I can enjoy the hurricane) and Ice (so I can enjoy the beer). I love hurricane season. Makes me feel alive.

Every time someone tells me that something they own is a conversation piece, I inquire as to how many great conversations the piece has yielded. And you know, they never have even one that I would pay like, two bucks for. Stupid people.

And finally, because this entry is obscure and pointless, I leave you with the following, which I read on a bumper sticker in 1993:

My Gun has Killed Less People than Ted Kennedy’s Car

Related

Resources