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Jack Johnson has the following lines in one of his songs: where’d all the good people go? / I can’t see them on the TV screen. When I first heard this, I thought there was something wrong with those words, but much like I treat all of the zillion marketing and entertainment messages I get in a day, I paid it no attention. Now, thanks to mass media beating this song into the ground with a giant lead pipe, I have figured out exactly what is wrong with Jack Johnson: he’s the kind of guy who looks for good people on television. Hey Jack, you want good people? Try Debuke, dumbass. Good people don’t sell cheeseburgers nationwide.
I read ESPN.com all the time. A while back, they switched their setup so that you have two choices of how to view a column: single page view and paginated view. I have had this discussion with several ESPN.com readers, and have decided that it needs to be addressed on The Nate Way: why the hell would anyone want the paginated view? The paginated view requires you to click your mouse to continue reading. The single page view does not. Who’s sitting at home or in the office saying, “You know what I wanna do? I want this article to be less enjoyable. Maybe if I had to work a little harder to read it? Yeah, that’s the ticket. Now quick, somebody cut me.”
That reminds me. There are people out there who cut themselves for fun. I got an instant message from a 15 year old, self-proclaimed cutter in Ohio. My buddy Chris has this problem as well. I don’t really have a joke here. I just wanna say: you people are nuts.
Today, I got my first nephew. His name is Austin Glen. After he was born, and my brother in law told my five year old niece, “It’s a boy.” Her deadpan response was, “I wanted a girl.” Those are the breaks, Katy.
I think my going from computer-idiot to computer-junkie in roughly ten minutes is causing me physical problems. My pupils aren’t dilating like they used to (not that they’ve ever been very good at it). I’m having trouble focusing. And all of the sudden, I’m a lot paler than I used to be. This weekend, I’m getting the fuck outside.
And finally, because this entry is arbitrary and pointless, I leave you with the following, which my buddy Peek said:
“Dude, my health insurance kicks in ten days from now. I can’t wait to go dirt-biking again. I’m gonna really mess myself up.”