I always start my New Year's Resolutions at the end of February. Partly because I like to be fashionably late, but mostly because the end of the shortest month signifies another long, harsh period spent without the glorious orgy of cultural appreciation that is BLACK HISTORY MONTH.
Oh yeah. I like my history months like I like my women: Black, short, cold and coming once a year.
Anyway, the point of this little ramble is that I have made a resolution. I, Xavier Holland/Citizen X/Deus X Machina/Dirty Painties/Firemichaelschur/Random Ecstasy/X/Hamlet, am going to become the first blogger in history to alter his diet and then bitch about it.
Unlike the other, WHITER, bloggers on this site, however, my diet of barbeque watermelon and racial stereotypes hasn't left me with a gut. Quite the opposite. I need to gain muscle. I need to gain it NOW, or I need to gain it after a reasonable length of time.
I don't want to be too big; Right now I'm about 6'3, 155-160, with probably a single digit body fat. Which sounds dandy, until you realize that I only have one muscle. In my entire body, I have but a single functioning muscle, and the poor sumbitch is lonely. I want to put on 15 pounds of muscle by the summer.
But Xavier, you say. Is this goal even reasonable? Surely you're going to wow us with your well-planned research on the subject of proper nutrition and exercise. Knowing you, you have charts and graphs and a little table.
Well, whoever you are, I do not. All I know is that I should gain muscle if I:
1. Take in more calories than I eat.
2. Ensure that those calories are stored as muscle through exercise.
Everything else is just details, no? Now I have a vague notion that protein-heavy, sodium and fat-light diets are probably best for this sort of thing. So I bought a bunch of meat. That's a good start, isn't it?
Right?
Well, if it isn't, hopefully posting this will give me some semblance of accountability. Maybe if I adhere to this whole thing for a little bit I'll even post before and after pictures. If you have any tips on how I can better and more efficiently eat or exercise, I'm mostly ears.
(The rest is hustle and penis).
Labels: Health Kicks