Wednesday evening, I'll be driving to Atlanta with two friends to participate in this year's AWP, America's largest gathering of writers to participate in seminars and open mic readings. I'll be there until Sunday.
While I find it interesting, rest assured the whole fucking thing will be boring. And that's why I'm not talking about it anymore.
In Atlanta, however, lies Court Sullivan. And much to my delight, Nate DeGraaf is coming up to see me too. The bastard is spending his hard-earned money to see me, and I've got to say, that's impressive.
Now, with all this anticipation, I've been wondering how these guys are in real life. I don't doubt that they're much different from their work. You see, you can tell a lot about a person by their sense of humor (or lack thereof, in many cases). So, here are my guesses.
Court-
-Taller than me
-Dresses well, but not well enough to make people think he's gay
-Acts awkward enough for people to think he's not gay
-A lady's man who doesn't quite know he's a lady's man (like one of those few nice motherfuckers who have a hot girlfriend)
-Oh shit, that reminds me, does Court even have a girlfriend?
-I bet she's a brunette. Looks like a librarian (if she's dating Court, she has to enjoy puns, and those girls are few and far between).
-We probably have roughly the same tolerance to beer.
-Drinks imports…Amberboch or something like that
-Won't be surprised. He seems like a good judge of that kinda shit.
-Won't back me up if I get into a fight for being too obnoxious.
-Might be a little more withdrawn than I've thought; might be a little more outgoing than I've thought. That's the tough call.
Nate-
-Shorter than me
-Dresses casually, not a showy type
-Acts like he writes, 100%: a little crass, funny, relatable
-Can and will drink me under the table
-Will probably hit on an 19-year-old before I get the chance
-Drinks Budweiser. Nothing light.
-Probably has to have a Tums before he drinks (he's getting old, you know)
-Will make friends with somebody at the bar within the first 5 minutes
-Will be suprised by the way I dress and act, probably.
-Will let me bum cigarettes once I'm out.
Both
-They'll make me go to a 24+ singles bar. This will change my outlook on the dating world.
-They'll fuck with me; because everybody loves fucking with Nick Gaudio
-They'll have inside jokes that I won't know about, because I missed the FUCKING PIC PROHIBITION PARTY BECAUSE OF JUSTIN REBELLO'S PUSSY ASS CANCELLING LAST MINUTE ON ME.
-They'll not be cool with a karaoke bar, where I'll probably wanna go one night.
-We'll all have a great time.
Feel free to join us, if you're in the area; especially if you have big tits!
LOVE,
Nick Gaudio