There's no reason to write when you've been drinking as much as I have today. But I have a picks obligation. So I'm honoring it. This post will suck. You have my very drunken word.
Home teams in CAPS
FALCONS (-1) OVER Saints
Scotty picked the Saints, probably because it's the conventional thing to do. I'm picking the Falcons because they're the poetic choice and shit. Nikki picked the Falcons, too. I don't know why she did it, but I have a feeling she thinks they'll win.
Titans (-3) over BEARS
We all agreed on this one. Unity. Coincidence. Fragment. Cottage Cheese.
Jaguars (-7) over LIONS
Nikki took the Lions after I explained to her that she wanted to take the Lions because she thought they would win by three.
Scotty and I did not take the Lions. We took the Jaguars. No matter who you back in this game, you're essentially taking a cat. Which means this is a cat fight. And that was a shitty pun.
Poop pun!
DOLPHINS (-8.5) OVER Seahawks
Scotty took the Seahawk, which is a bird, over the choice of Nikki and mine, which is the Dolphins. I pick in BOLD.
I told you this post was gonna suck.
VIKINGS (-2.5) over Packers
Scotty and I both took the Vikings. Nikki… mmmm… not so much.
Bills (+4) over PATRIOTS
We all took the Bills.
From Scotty: "Matt you are going down."
From Nikki: "The Bills are probably gonna screw me this week."
JETS (-8.5) over Rams
Dude, this is like, taking forever… Anyway, we all take the Jets.
TEXANS (PK) over Ravens
I pick the Texans. Nik picks the Ravens. Scott picks the Texans. And we all shine on… with the moon and the… stars or something. Crazy diamond.
Panthers (-9.5) over RAIDERS
This pick was also unanimous. Like my love.
Don't try to figure that out.
STEELERS (-3) over Colts
You'll have a hard time betting on this one. Line's still off. We all took the Steel.
Chiefs (+150 over the CHARGERS
Spread. Too high it is. Scotty thinks not. He's better at college ball anyway.
Giants (+3) over EAGLES
Nik takes the Iggie. Me and Scott take the Champs.
CARDINALS (-9.5) over 49ers
This is very unanimous.
Now, because I'm lazy, here are Nikki's sports douche and Scott's picks straight from email and unedited. This is raw, people.
From Scotty (2-0 last week): My college play is Rice -10 over Army and two bonus plays. LSU +3 over Bama and USC -21 over Cal. The USC line opened at -17 and is as high as -22.5 some places. I don't care. Pete Carol is furious at the BCS after winning 56-0 and dropping in the polls. He will not take his foot off the gas this week and may win by 40. I would have made this my play at -17 but it will probably go off around -24.5 and that is too many points to ask anyone other than myself to lay. The red is for you Nikki
From Nikki: Today we douche to the entire Cleveland Browns organization and Romeo Crennel. You guys managed to squeak by Al Davis this week, Al Davis and his joke of an organization, the Oakland Raiders. Not only did Brady Quinn throw for 239 yards with two touchdowns in his opnening debut of the NFL, but he managed to not "fall on his face," as elegantly stated by Romeo Crennel during the press conference where Quinn's start was announced.
Brady Quinn was passed over pick after pick during the NFL draft, until your ass clown organization picked him up, where he had been, up until this past Thursday night, benched for a season and half. If you had just listened to your fans, who have been begging for him since Quinn was announced as a Brown, you would have had a bright, young, and solid quarter back at the helm. Loss against the Broncos aside, he could have possibly kept you out of the toilet last season. Today we hold up our bottles of douche and cheers to you, the morons running the Cleveland Browns.
Note to me: Put the records up later, drunk.