Before we get to the picks, it's time for me to update you on the status of my meatheadedness. I am slowly but surely on my way to becoming meat. In one five week period, I lost six pounds of fat and gained seven pounds of muscle, taking me from 19% body fat to 15% body fat. I was not impressed by this, but the guy who sets my workouts and calibrates my fat was so shocked, he took the reading five or six times. Apparently, I have an impressive genetic background (thanks, Mom and Dad).
Anyway, this week's picks are all movie quotes. I'm not gonna tell you what movies the quotes are from because there's no fun in that. If you're not sure, work it out amongst yourselves. Also, I'm quoting from memory, so there will be a lot of mistakes. Feel free to correct me, too. The internet gurus call this kind of piece “interactive.” I call it “lazy” but one man's trash is another man's treasure and all that.
On to the picks.
HOME TEAMS in CAPS.
Redskins (-3.5) over JETS
“God hates me, that's what it is.”
Packers (+2) over CHIEFS
“Hey pal, you can't take away her house. I mean, she's old. Look at her. She's so old.”
BUCCANEERS (-3.5) over Cardinals
“Everything ends badly. Otherwise it wouldn't end.”
TITANS (-4) over Panthers
“You see kid, all your life people are gonna be telling you about truth. Like they know exactly what it is. Like it's toilet paper. They got a supply of it in the closet and they can just roll it out whenever they want to. But as you age, you come to realize that there is no truth. All there is, is bullshit. And basically what you do is, you pick your layer. And you say ‘that's my bullshit. That's what I do.'”
49ers (+3) over FALCONS
“I mean look at this letter. ‘Dear Hawk, you suck. Eat a bag of shit.' Not a lot of gray area in that one, sir.”
Jaguars (+3) over SAINTS
“Life is pain, Heiness. Any one who says otherwise is selling something.”
LIONS (-3) over Broncos
“Why be good? I'm always good. Where has being good gotten me?”
BILLS (+1) over Bengals
“This isn't even a real town. I can't even buy real drugs here.”
Chargers (-7) over VIKINGS
“You don't know what you're doing here. I mean, you don't know whether to say yes or to say no. Whether to stay or to go.”
Seahawks (+1) over BROWNS
“Nuke's nervous 'cause his old man is in the stands. We need a live rooster?was that it, a live rooster??yeah, we need a live rooster to take the hex of Jose's glove, and nobody seems to know what to get Millie and Jimmy for a wedding present. We're dealing with a lot of shit, here.”
Patriots (-5.5) over COLTS
“These guys were tough. They didn't wear tattoos and leather jackets, though. They wore scars.”
Texans (+3) over RAIDERS
“Would you please stop masturbating in my mom's fucking room, you degenerate?”
EAGLES (+3) over Cowboys
“Well he should have armed himself? if he's gonna decorate his saloon with my friend.”
STEELERS (-9) over Ravens
“Well, even if you are gay, you're my brother and I love you. Sweet boy.”
Labels: NFL_picks