It's 10:52 AM in the Eastern Standard Time Zone (motto: We're New York's Time Zone, Bitches!) and I still haven't gotten to my shitty picks yet. What a year. Anyway, this week's lazy picks are gonna involve quotes from music instead of movies.
And no, I'm not telling you who the quotes are from and I am doing the lines from memory. This way, even I'm likely to get some of the quote origins wrong. It adds to the mystery.
Let's do this thing. HOME TEAMS in CAPS.
JAGUARS (-3) over Chargers
The pump don't work 'cause the vandal took the handle.
Browns (-2.5) over RAVENS
I'm taking to the brink 'cause it's a different country
And bringing with me the people I know deep down are funky.
Steelers (-9) over JETS
You don't know us at all.
We laugh when old people fall.
But what would you expect from a culture so small?
COWBOYS (-10.5) over Redskins
The boys are back in town.
EAGLES (-9.5) over Dolphins
Blood on the rise
It's up to my ankles
Blood on the streets
It's up to my knees.
Buccaneers (-3) over FALCONS
Nothing's gonna save me from a love that's blind
Slip to the dark side when I cross that line.
Raiders (+5) over VIKINGS
What he said may have been beautiful
But the pain is right now and right here.
BENGALS (-3) over Cardinals
And the loud mouth in the corner's getting to me
Talking 'bout my earrings and my hair.
He ain't read the sign
That says I been to prison
And he better shut the fuck up ‘fore I knock him off his chair.
Chiefs (+14.5) over COLTS
Don't go away mad
Just go away.
LIONS (+2.5) over Giants
And I said, what about a revolution?
Saints (+1) over TEXANS
Don't call it a comeback.
PACKERS (-9.5) over Panthers
I've been here for years.
Rams (-3) over NINERS
I've been down so goddamn long
That it looks like up to me.
Bears (+5.5) over SEAHAWKS
He just smiled, shook my hand
And no was all he said.
Patriots (-16) over BILLS
I'm the instigator of the me generation,
The official semen-ator of the female population
And I scoff at my rivals 'cause they ain't cool
And I rewrote the Bible
And I made my own rules.
BRONCOS (-2) over Titans
Mountain home. Oh Mountain home.
Something something about the mountains
Something something about home.
Mountain home. Oh mountain home.
Labels: NFL_picks