Dear Under-aged Female Readers,
Consider this a public service announcement.
You should know that the number eighteen is almost an aphrodisiac in this country. The sensuous number has caused a phenomenon where many a person looks more attractive to the opposite sex. This phenomenon is a natural phase in life called the “Barely Legal Period”. Since this period only lasts around one year, the members of said phase, mainly female (as in you), are highly prized by those in the porn industry and the older male demographic. The Barely Legal Period affects certain persons more than others. If you are moderately to severely attractive, or if your looks qualify for certain, popular genres of pornography, you will be contacted by someone from the adult entertainment industry. Decide now if you want your death to by drugs or, quiet possibly, by a sexually transmitted infection.
You will also be hit on by gentlemen old enough to be or older than your father. If you have a thing for older men, this is perfect you! Be sure to call him “daddy” at least once, just for kicks. If you don’t like older men or the attention, then as soon as they ask you your age (which is the first thing they will ask you), just say you’re illegal. Don’t even mention a number or what activities are still illegal; just say you are in fact illegal at this time. The message will get across. If the message doesn’t get across, or if they still insist, use speed dial and call someone who cares, like the police.
Happy Milestone,
Roxy