It occurs to me that the solution to solving poverty is simply to outfit those in need with email addresses. I have literally hundreds of emails offering me easy and lucrative jobs, goods and services at highly discounted prices, and business relationships that should yield me millions of dollars if properly harvested. While I am sad that Nigeria is being depleted of its deposed princes, arguably the finest of its many natural resources, I cannot help but imagine that there may be some good in this.
I think that a good thing to do if you got in an elevator and there was only one person in it would be to refrain from pushing any buttons. Then, when they ask you what floor you're getting off at, just lean back and croon “It's cool, sweetthang. Daddy's just along for the ride.” Pointedly glance at your crotch. This maneuver works especially well if you're with an elderly gentleman.