Random Thoughts
-I've had to learn over the course of my life that if the words “slut,” “bitch,” or “cunt” are keyed into a girl's car, the author of such “vandalism” was probably right. I had to learn this the hard way, of course, but I'm making it easier on all the guys my ex-girlfriends date by including the phrase, “See for yourself if you don't believe me.”
-Stereotypes aside, black people have nappy hair because jobs produce body oil. They also don't appreciate being called “Darkies” because even in the dead of night, you can still see the whites of their eyes. Apparently, that's what the American generals were talking about when they instructed their soldiers to “cap a bitch.”
-“I wanna be sedated” is perhaps the best song of all time to get drunk and jump around to, despite the fact that House of Pain instructs it quite vehemently in their hit song, “Jump Around.” Also, ska covers are never better than the original song.
-If you accidentally cum inside a cassette tape, it won't work. I suppose this is only true if you let the jizz dry…but who is going to use their own toothbrush to clean that shit out? Not me.
-Guys who ask girls out on IM aren't stupid or pussy-like if they're utilizing the “message everybody in this group” function.
-The Facebook feed only works well if you have more than one friend with low privacy settings. Else, you just know a ton of shit about one person.
-Women can be grouped into a specific archetype using this interesting outline:
1. Crazy
A. Slut
—Organized Sluts
(Sorority Girls, Closet Whores, Hookers)
—Pierced-up Sluts
(Druggies, Groupies, Guppies, Tramp-stamp-possessing Girls)
—Stupid Sluts
(General populace, Pornstars, Catholics)
B. Bitch
—Daddy's Girl Bitches
(Jewish Princesses, Only Children, Spoiled Brats)
—Total Cunt Bitches
(Wendy's Drive-through Personel, Models)
C. Prude
—Ugly Prudes
(Nuns, Government-affiliated Women)
—Fat Prudes
(Chunkers, Chubbies, “Thick” Chicks, Jabbina the Huts)
—Christian Prudes
(Protestant Girls, “I'm Waiting Until Marraige” Liars, Hypocrites)
Feel free to define yourself.
The end.