Reconnaissance Technology From Middle School

Lately I have heard one phrase many a time from various people about various people. As helpful as the phrase “yah, he/she is really into you,” should be, it really doesn’t end up so helpful when it’s used to mean different things. In an effort to disambiguate and help you get your point across, I am made a list of potential little sayings to use instead and what they really mean.

“They want to tie you down and sex you up.”
They want dirty, kinky sex until the sun comes up.

“They want to have your baby.”
They want intercourse and souvenir. They might also be willing to be barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen if it means having your children. Bonus points if they can’t actually have your demon spawn.

“They want to have your love-child.”
They want a romantic encounter and an adopted souvenir to remind of the love the let go so long ago. They want to look into the child’s eyes and have warm memories of Paris in the springtime.

“They really like you.”
Not only will they cuddle after sex, they will like it just because it’s with you. Awe, how cute!

“I think they like you like you.”
They are acting like they are still in elementary school, and it’s pissing the living hell out of me. Please put them out of their misery before they start sending notes that read “Will you go out with me? Circle yes or no.”

“So I caught So-And-So reading some silly love poetry…”
If you don’t like ‘em, you better stop talking to So-And-So because it will only toy with the poor kid’s emotions. Seriously, the last time they acted like this, I had to deal with drunk and depressed So-And-So. Drunk and depressed So-And-So interrupts play time with the overly willing blonde.

“Um… So-And-So isn’t playing with a full deck of cards, and I think they want to play Gin Rummy with you.”
I think you should start locking everything that has a lock. You can get chastity belts with locks now. In fact, I think you might want to check into a motel for a few weeks because So-And-So has gone off the deep end. If you see someone outside your window tonight, promise me you’ll get a restraining order ASAP.

“So-And-So is really into you.”
I am employing reconnaissance technology from middle school. I’m supposed to report back to headquarters after I find out whether or not you like So-And-So. This information is considered highly valuable. It may or may not be used against you in the act of courting.

Have fun getting your point across a little more accurately this time.

Sincerely,
Roxy

Labels: pointless phrases, So-And-So, the act of courting