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You will need to play this song on repeat for as long as it takes you to read the remainder of this piece. It is essential to acquire full understanding of the writer's orgasm of words (no…seriously, play the song).
Shocktart Orgasms
Inspector Gadget is my fluffer.
That is, Inspector Gadget is a man who I entrust with the responsibility of keeping my dick hard at all times. He's better than a wife; he's…Inspector Gadget. He tickles me senseless to the teacup patty.
Still, Inspector Gadget didn't start out as my fluffer. We dated in college. Funny enough, the slimy cunt didn't put out for three weeks. That's a long time on Mercury. š
Mercury, Wyoming. Upstate Wongeurhast State. We were both Farmacology majors. I met Inspector Gadget in the fields, picking daisy husks. Penny had her weave up in a red bandanna. She looked at me with those big brown native eyes and said, “Honey, I ain't no white ho. I ain't skitchin' around if you ain't got no job” and fuck it if I know why but Inspector Gadget went with her.
But here's part of the story that you need to know:
Inspector Gadget isn't just a fluffer; he's a fluffer who is only my fluffer. He just basically loves to conglomerate my Dow Jones and my Dow Jones alone.
So, of course he came back. He came back and back and haggled my NASDAQ. My stocks were splitting like crazy. Splitting all over his face. Oh yeah.
(You hear that Winston, he's mine!)
Eventually though, I had to get married. In my country, you have to get married by the time you're twelve… to a cyborg in a trench coat… or else they consider your testicles tainted and lop them off. And of course I couldn't marry that slut. I married the Carmen San Diego Bot. But that's not…uh…important.
So, with a little honey, I got into the porn industry and told my producer about Inspector Gadget.
Penny, at first, told him no. Bitch always was a cockteasin' trufflebunny.
But Inspector Gadget could sure slam a Slimfast and did what I told him to do.
Our first movie was called Gadget Inspector. My first line was “go-go-gadget-bitcharm.”
Inspector Gadget hasn't made it on tape yet, though…it's important to know that I'm still a fire-breathing whore.
Laters Diamond-Cutters!
Talk to the paw because the tail ain't listenin'.