This past weekend, I went to Lollapalooza in Chicago. I wore my new shirt, which in big letters, states "Sarah Palin is A Cunt." I knew in this extremely liberal city, the hometown of Barack Obama, that I would not get lynched, but I wasn't expecting so many compliments. Literally over 100 people complimented me on my shirt, from "I love your shirt" to "I love your shirt." Real creative, these people.
So one guy comes up to me and compliments me, saying she really is a cunt. "So is Obama, though," he says. "Yeah, for sure," I agree. "He's a cocksucker. They all are," he says. "Yes," I agree, sincerely hoping that by "they" he means “politicians” and not “black people.”
Walking, I would look at people eye's and their eyes would be looking over in my direction down towards my shirt and they had that “reading something” look in their eyes. I would look back at them a couple seconds later and they'd be cracking up. God, I love myself. I could stare in the mirror for hours.
The best compliment I got was "God bless you." You know you're in an awesome city when you can wear a Sarah Palin Is A Cunt t-shirt and random strangers say "God blesss you" (and you haven't even sneezed).
One night back home, we were partying downtown and outside our apartment we saw about 15-20 Hispanics we worked with, from various countries like Peru and Colombia. Being the drunk, non-racist people we are, we invited them all in. It's a funny sight seeing someone wave 20 people who can barely speak English into an apartment building. Some were stoked and smiley, some didn't understand what was going on, and some, well, some were probably scared.
And rightfully so. I ran over to my apartment and grabbed a 1.75 liter of vodka I got for $2 (after rebate). I walked to my neighbor's, where the 20 Hispanics had somehow all fit on a regular-sized couch. Not really, but that's how it is in my memory. I quickly twisted off the cap of the vodka, slammed 4 shot glasses down and said "Who wants some fucking shots?!" I was expecting to be trampled. But for some reason I will never know or understand, these people didn't jump at the chance of free alcohol. Maybe they thought it was too good to be true. I was literally ready to feed every single one of these twenty Hispanics as many shots as they wanted. Eventually some of them obliged, reluctantly, as if I had just asked him to finger their mother.
I couldn't comprehend why they wouldn't take these shots. I probably couldn't have even paid them to drink the vodka. However, I tried to understand. I guess if I was in a foreign country where I didn't know the language or customs, and I was in an apartment of someone I didn't know and they were trying to force-feed me a liquid while screaming "Free fucking shots! Take the fucking shots!!!! What the FUCK is wrong with you people!?!?", I'd be scared too.
A rape whistle would be pretty useless during a basketball game, and it would probably cause a lot of confusion.
I'm glad that with the bad economy or whatever, that there's one job that's recession-proof: the blow-job.
