Me: You know that website I write for?
Scotty: Yeah.
Me: I'm not allowed to post directly anymore.
Scotty: What's directly?
Me: Your mom. Your mom is directly.
Scotty: Dude you can't post up on my mom. Her skills will crush you.
Me: It's not a basketball thing.
Scotty: I'm sorry. I wasn't listening.
Me: How come no one ever listens to me?
Brittany: They're too busy looking at you.
Me: Aww. That was sweet.
Jessica: In some cultures, that's actually considered sexual harassment.
Me: Awesome.
Jessica: So why don't you just start your own website or something?
Me: I don't know anything about e-marketing.
Jessica: Can't you learn?
Me: Yeah but that's kinda… you know… hard.
Jessica: Typical man. The only thing he'll pay any attention to that's hard is his cock.
Tom: Whoa! Slam dunk on that one.
Me: Save it for Scotty's mom.
Tom: Only if it's worth saving.
Me: Stay away from him, Jahira. Trust me.
Jahira: What, he's worse than you?
Me: We had the same probation officer and she seems to think so.
Frank: Fucking me over with the PO. That's a double bitch slap.
Me: Triple if you count the time you slapped her ass.
Frank: Is it my fault the bitch can't take a compliment?
Jahira: Okay, excuse me. I'm leaving now.
Frank: Thanks for the cock block, Nate.
Me: Thank your probation officer, Frank. No woman deserves that.
Frank: Some of them earn it though, Nate.
Me: True enough.
Scotty: So PIC doesn't pay you and monitors what you write. Why even bother?
Me: Allegedly I have fans.
Scotty: You have one fan, Nate. It's on the ceiling in your living room.
Me: Have I told you that I don't like you?
Scotty: Yes. And it's never hurt our friendship. Not once.
Me: Figures.