Students know my friends as “Robot Teacher,” “Monster Teacher,” and “Catfish Teacher.” I've been “Monkey Teacher,” “Old Man Teacher” and “Wayne Rooney Teacher.” Why? Because I'm hairy, have big ears, and am old and sort of look like the Manchester United forward—that's a soccer/football player for all you ‘Mericans.
So the other day I walked in on my teacher friends' conversation.
GEM: They call me “Princess Teacher.”
MARY: Oh, you're so lucky! They call me “Witch Teacher”! They think I'm so old and mean. I'm the manager here. I have to be mean!
KC: Hey guys, what do they call me? Seriously, I can take it. The kids at my old school used to pretend to call the zoo because they thought I was an escaped-gorilla. It can't be that bad…
GEM: Um, they call you “Gay Sun-sang-nim”…
KC: Really? What makes everybody think I'm gay? My eyelashes? My constant use of ChapStick? Being really friendly with my friends and my mom?
GEM: Um, they call you Gay Sun-sang-nim because it's Korean for something else.
KC: Oh yeah? What does “gay” in Korean mean?
GEM: It means mutt, like a dog.
KC: Um. Okay. That's not what I expected. Why do they call me “Dog Teacher”?
GEM: Because you're really hairy and yell a lot.
KC: That makes perfect sense. Does anybody want anything from outside? I'm going to take a walk and hope you guys forget this ever happened.