Dad always laughed out loud at America's Funniest Home Videos. No matter what. Loud as anyone can laugh. A hearty, boistrous, echoing laugh. For an hour straight. Every night.
The thing that he found funniest was the silly voice. "Oh, look at me, I'm just a walkin' down the street OH NO HERE'S COMES A LAWNMOWER AT MY FACE" in the voice that nobody's ever had in the history of the universe, a man doing a horrible imitation of a child and trying to be silly.
My dad would follow us around with a camcorder and try to get a funny video for America's Funniest Home Videos. We always disappointed him. But this one time, me and my sister were doing our math homework, and he came in with the camera, imitating the silly AFHV voice. "Oh, look at me, just a'-doin my homework, ain't got a care or worry in the world" he said, pretending to be me. Then his voice got higher and squeaky, "I'm doing homework too! Look at me!" Then my voice again, "Oh no look! A fooootballl!" and then he threw a football as hard as he could at my nuts. I hit the ground in indescribable pain as he doubled over in laughter like he was watching an episode of America's Funniest Home Videos on the tv. Then in a girl's voice "Oh, look at me I'm a girl. Doo-doo-dee-dee-dum. Oh my God is that a a stapler? Why God…WHY?" as he threw a stapler at my little sister and hit her square in the face. She got a bloody nose and started crying in unison with me.
"This is gold!" he shouted triumphantly. "This is gold" through tears of laughter.
My mother even chuckled. I cried and tried to speak, but literally didn't have a voice. The pain was just too much.
"We're sendin' this in, baby!" my dad said to my mom at a way-louder-than-needed volume. "We're gonna be rich! We've struck it rich! WOOO-HOOOO!" He sounded like an oil prospector who just found a geyser of pure oil, or a settler who just found gold.
He made countless copies of the tape, and then sent one in to America's Funniest Home Videos.
America's Funniest Home Videos replied several weeks later that they don't accept pre-narrated home videos.
My dad was stunned. He thought we were going to win the $50,000 prize or whatever it was. He had no doubt on his mind that he would be seeing his own film on national tv and laughing at it like all the other family's videos.
Whenever he watched America's Funniest Home Videos after the day we got that letter, he never laughed. We watched in silence.