Toothbrush

There’s this girl I’m currently dating (I don’t want to call her my girlfriend, but it really doesn’t matter what I call her because she keeps a toothbrush and contact solution at my place so I’m screwed regardless). Anyway, it has been a long time since a girl meant anything more to me than a few nights of sex. So, I’m really enjoying this chick. And because there’s nothing more romantic than lists, here are the top ten reasons why.

10. She calls my post-coital ramblings, “Bed Time Stories.”

9. She’s disappointed if we don’t have sex three times a day.

8. If horny enough, she will force herself on me and ride me roughly while I try to watch my new television.

7. She has no problem with my drinking. In fact, she claims that when my buzz kicks in, I gain a sexy look that drives her wild.

6. We have intelligent conversations that hardly ever border on the irrational or the emotional.

5. She can beg for sex with her eyes.

4. She’s great in bed.

3. She finds my indifference to the world to be refreshing.

2. She told me that if my hair ever turns brown (I am blond) then she will dye it back to blond while I sleep.

1. On more than five occasions, she has come by my house with a twelve pack of Heineken and no underwear.

So there you go. I know many of my readers may be uncomfortable with the idea of me having a girlfriend. So, I want you to know that I will not be pulling punches, writing sappy love columns or changing in any way. That’s another great thing about her. She likes me just the way I am. As she said to me the other night: “You’re an insensitive asshole, but you’re like, the good kind.”

I have no idea what that means.

But I liked it.