Dear Male Population,
I’m about to tell you the truth about women.
You will have to keep quiet as I really shouldn’t be telling you any of you this. In fact, I am risking ostracizing myself from the entire female race by just thinking about it. The only reason I am trying to shed some light on such a difficult subject is because of all the answers and advice Sam gave me over the weekend at a church retreat. Since Sam is happily married and really doesn’t need my help, I thought I’d give back to you, the male reader.
There are two things one should always keep in mind about females; we are constantly competing with each other and we can’t admit to what to really want. These two truths can really help out when dealing with the less logical gender.
Think about it. How many times have you been yelled at for staring at another woman? Have you ever noticed how a girl will just happen to get a little more clingy whenever you are just talking to someone who happens to have and operate a vagina? The answer is simply because she is competing with every girl in the room. It doesn’t matter that looking around is natural; she is keeping score the way she knows best, by male attention. The more male attention equals a higher score. Every time you pay attention to the cute, curvy blonde in the little red dress, she loses points. When you hear a chick complain about how slutty a girl is, at least one of the reasons will be because she is jealous of all the attention the other girl is getting. Of course she won’t admit it.
None of us have an easy time admitting to what really want. A lot of the times, what we really want is bad for us, like a walking STD vendor of sex, fatty foods, or epic drama. It has been my personal experience that whenever I actually admitted I wanted something, something goes wrong. Always. I’m trying my best to be honest with you, really. Honesty usually doesn’t get us any closer to what we really want compared to lying, so why admit? Why out our own feelings and lusts if they just get stepped on and kicked around like so many annoyingly small dogs?
An extra little tip you should know; all women are different. My older sister wants her boyfriend to act how she thinks an adult in serious relationship should act. Whitney wants to marry a plastic surgeon so she can have touch-ups later in life. I (eventually) want to meet a sweet smartass who will argue with me one moment and hand me bagel chips out of the Chex Mix the next. This is the best proof I can offer at this point.
Sincerely,
Roxy
P.S. The bagel chips and the Chex themselves are the best parts of Chex Mix.