Ugly Guy

All right Mr. Wexley, let’s just have a look at your resume here. Wow. This looks great. I see you worked with Eli in Watches. Wowsers. Impressive stuff. I’ve got to say, this is perfect. You’re just what we’re looking for. An exact fit. Now, I want to tell you a little bit about the role. It’s a small part, but it’s a meaty one. Let me just set the scene for you: Ben Stiller and Kate Hudson have just broken up their engagement after a horrible fight over artichokes or leeks (we haven’t decided), and the audience gets to see them in a hilarious split-screen montage of first dates. The part that you’re going to play is called “Ugly Guy” in the last scene here on page 77. Now, you’ve only got one line but it’s a good one…where is it…oh, yes, you say with that hideous lisp of yours: “I heard that lobster is an age-old aphrodisiac.” And that’s when Kate Hudson turns to the waiter and quickly changes her order to a steak. Ha! But it’s going to be even funnier than that, because we’re going to contrast Kate’s horrendous evening with you, the “Ugly Guy,” with Ben’s date—a beautiful Swedish tennis star. And what’s even funniest is that all of you guys are in the same restaurant! Pretty cool, huh? So, I don’t even need you to audition for me. I’m ready to sign the papers on this thing. You’ve got the look we’re looking for—a laughably sad ugliness. It’s as simple as that. You’re our man! What do you say?