I go with classic approach: the misrecognition.
"Alison, right?" I say. Pulling up to stop because she's behind me.
"Uh," she smiles, "it's Mercedes." She extends her hand to shake and we do. We start some idle chitchat, me extolling jokes like none other. I'm trying to be slick and maybe it's working but maybe it's not. She's still smiling.
"Yeah, I've seen you on the bus," she says.
"Yeah, you've been staring at me. Stalking me." Joke number one.
"It's what I do." I open the door and hold it. Who says chivalry is dead? We're inside the cafeteria of the school I attend. She sets up her computer at one of the tables and says to me, "I've got a paper to write but we can still talk."
Brush off? Never fear, Vernon stays in spite of all. "Yeah, no problem. I love talking over the noise," I say.
"What?" she yells back at me with faux-deafness. She smiles. She is LOVING it. I smile back and my hair is perfectly disheveled; just the way I like it. I am nailing this.
"Whoa, we are moving waaay to fast for my liking."
"Yeah, we could get married this week if you like."
"Well… I'd have to call my mom and relatives. You understand. But for the most part it should be all right."
"And kids would be on the way soon. Are you prepared?" she asks me, smirking slightly.
"Well I'd have to up my hours at work. And totally sell out to this vampire thing with my writing. I guess I'd call it Harry Light in Forks. It'd be a hit!"
We are going back and forth with the humor here. Laying it on thick to hide our mild discomfort with meeting strangers abruptly and we ride off into the sunset on the wave of Joke No. 4 and Joke No. 7.
"Yeah, but if you have a boyfriend he might be a little jealous," I say.
She shuts down almost immediately. Ouch. "Yeah we broke up and stuff but we still talk." Her legs cross and she focuses her attention–what once was boldly on me–to her computer. I can feel her freeze over.
"Okay well I guess I'll see you around."
"Yeah all right fer sure," she says, not looking at me directly but more or less out of her peripherals.
You don't win them all, I guess.