Some of you do not know who Violent Acres is. This is because some of you have better things to do than spend your time following every quarrel on the internet. I am not some of you; and honestly, if I were, I could find much better ways to spend my time than reading some diatribe written by somebody I've never met about somebody I've never heard of.
Don't go. I can change, I swear.
Anyway, the eponymous Violent Acres isn't just an excuse for me to use the word eponymous. She is also the pseudonym of one Hollie Toner, a bitter, broken, woman who lives somewhere in Ohio not called Cleveland or Cincinnati. Mrs. Acres runs a highly trafficked blog on which she offers up biting observations on such daring topics as fat people, small children and women. Now, far be it from me to complain about the snarkiness of a web-based writer; I have no problem with a casual display of caustic wit. No, my issue with Violent is the self-satisfied smugness with which she condescends the entire process that is responsible for all of her self-worth.
Oh, does Professor Acres love to lampoon other bloggers. She rips into their hackneyed shtick with all the grace of a throng of retarded preteens doing the 11o meter hurdles. (Note to self: Look up proper terminology for a group of retarded preteens. If none existing, attempt to coin one.) Her favorite target seems to be those so called “Mommybloggers” who “exploit” their children, though I've heard rumblings that she's considering a four part series absolutely destroying kittenwar.com. It's about time. I haven't seen anybody with the balls to go after the big kitten syndicate since the grisly demise of peepsforpups.com.
Now, I could follow her lead and offer up an oh-so-subtle pastiche of her style of posting; however, it would be nigh pointless since she's virtually indistinguishable from the average blogger in talent or style. Her main innovation seems to be in mistaking mean-spiritedness for cleverness – the misconception that crossing the lines of decorum and good taste necessarily means pushing the boundaries of intelligent thought.
As good a writer as I am, and don't let everything I've ever written fool you, I'm an awesome writer, I couldn't do any better justice to her than her writing herself. Since this post is getting a bit lengthy, I'll make that its own separate post.