(My new hood)
The last time I moved into the dorms was ten years ago and I was a student. Now, I am the master, um, of students. In case you didn't know, I've moved on from my regular elementary school teaching job to the world of higher education. I am no longer Casey Teacher, but Professor Freeman. Even though I have a master's degree, still, nobody ever calls me Master Freeman, but maybe someday.
The last month proved to be the most stressful of my life with all the report cards to fill in, syllabi to write, final classes of my old job to prepare, first classes of my new job to prepare, meetings at both jobs, packing, moving and saying a million goodbyes.
I attempted to look for a big boy apartment, but my limited Korean language skills, limited money and incredibly limited free time made it so I would spend my first month as a college professor, in a college dorm.
This is only temporary (please let it be temporary) and I really shouldn't complain since I'm getting it for free, but I'll piss and moan anyway.
(I've been in bigger elevators.)
As an undergrad at South Dakota State University as well as New York University, I had some really great times in the dorms. I drank 40s, felt a smorgasboard of boobs, played a lot of video games, drank more 40s, smoked lots of weed, did mushrooms, maybe did acid (we might have paid $30 for some cologne on newspaper, I don't know if that counts), wrote some of the worst term papers in history, ate lots of dining hall food and cried out of loneliness.
But as a college professor in Korea, things are a little bit different. I remember having to follow rules as a student, but here are some of the rules I'm supposed to abide.
1. No thumbtacks or nails in the wall.
2. No alcohol.
3. No smoking.
4. No illegal narcotics.
5. No personal conduct that goes against "accepted society."
And here are the big ones.
6. No members of the opposite sex past 9 p.m.
7. No entry after midnight. The dorm reopens at 6:30 a.m.
And here is a list of the rules I've broken in the 20 hours I've been in the dorms.
1. I don't have posters, thumbtacks or nails.
2. I drank a bottle of soju and some vodka last night by myself.
3. I haven't smoked in the past year and a half, but I'd like the option. But I didn't start again.
4. I think I still have some Valium, but illegal drugs will get you sent straight to Korean pound-me-in-the-ass prison. As little as I'm enjoying living in the dorms, it's a lot better than sharing a jail cell.
5. As I carted my stuff, I spilled the laundry bag with my underwear in front of some coeds. Luckily, no skid marks were seen, but now a lot of my students know I prefer boxer briefs. Also, I watched a lot of Internet porn last night.
6. I was too tired to bring home a lady. Also, the area is kind of a ghosttown right now. And 9 p.m. really just isn't enough time for me to get it on.
7. I already was almost locked out of the dorms. They really do barricade the door so none of us "bad people" can enter past midnight. Shit, I should just do what I used to do and drink until 6 a.m. That will show them!
After spending one night in the dorms, I remembered at my first school, SDSU, you weren't allowed girls in your room past a certain point. But you were allowed dudes all the time. That meant, they didn't want you banging girls, but you could have a whole hallway full of potential dudes to plow and technically that would be okay. The nerve! I'm being discriminated against! If a college co-ed chick wants to bang me, I should have the freedom to do it whenever I want!
I don't know if this qualifies as "ironic" or not, but this is the erotic statue outside of my dorm.
(Kind of ironic since the entire building complex seems to be attempting to rob me of my sex life.)
Okay gang, I will be writing more often once I get my shit together. Until then, I'll see you at the dorms. As long as it's before midnight and you're not a girl.