I swear I'm not a dirty hippie. Yeah, my hair is long. But seriously, I'm not a hippie. I'm also not joining a band or making a statement. Believe me, I hate my long hair. I've got a reason to grow it out and it's a pretty good one.
A few months ago, I just hadn't cut my locks for a while. Then one night at the bars, I complained about it to a long-haired buddy who told me not to trim anything until a few months from now, when we'll both cut our prospective ponytails for Locks Of Love – a charity that provides wigs to children who lost their hair due to chemotherapy.
My well-coiffed friend told me "Besides, chicks love the long hair and they also love the fact you're growing it for charity." So I was sold. I said, "What the heck, why not?"
For about two days I felt good, then I wanted to cut it off. But I ran into him again. I hoped in our drunkenness, my ponytailed pal forgot about our hair-growing pact. Instead he said:
"Dude, I think we're getting sponsors and my bar is cool with us doing a big event. And people will auction off the chance to shave our heads. We'll make some money for the charity and donate our hair for the cancer kids. We're really making a difference."
"Great," I said. "Fucking great!" I cursed in my thoughts.
So now this has become some great big thing. A few weeks ago I attended an unrelated fundraiser for a good buddy going through chemotherapy, and now he's completely bald. Now, for guys, this isn't really a big deal. But I remembered I'm growing my hair out for little girls with cancer, and they don't like being bald. So I guess I'm keeping this stupid long hair. For now.
So that's why my hair is so long. Get over it. Or enjoy it while it lasts, because I'm never doing it again.
If I get a few friends, fans or family members to donate money, hair or time to Locks Of Love for me, I'll cut this stupid mop immediately as well as happily. If not, bring on the ponytail holders. Please — somebody donate something to Locks Of Love. I hate all this hair.
(This is what I usually look like. Actually, I'm usually wearing a hat—but this is a good guess to what my hair looks like.)