North Caribbean – As Hurricane Wilma gained Category-5 status overnight, meteorologists announced her status as the most powerful storm ever to cross the Atlantic. Hailed as perhaps the finale to an historic hurricane season, Wilma defied forecasters' predictions and jumped several categories in mere hours. The storm's central pressure of 26.06 inches, or 882 millibars, is the lowest recorded of a storm in the Atlantic Ocean basin, which includes the Caribbean Sea and the Gulf of Mexico. Lower pressure translates into higher wind speeds that caused the exponential upgrade to Category-5.
When asked to comment on the event, Association for Seasonal Storms and Hurricane Analysis Technology Specialists chief Ronald Brenden appeared utterly dumbfounded. “I was having my morning coffee when someone just started yelling ‘Oh, Shit.’ I thought someone from the National Weather Service had come to check up on us. I was relieved to know that wasn’t the case,” said the ASSHATS chief.
As the storm’s erratic path projects a return to the Atlantic, Florida residents brace for the devastation that comes attached to an invite to this year's “Hurricanes Blow” media campaign. More news is to follow, unless something more creative comes along.
Author’s Note: I’d like to make a special mention to students of SAM-132: Sarah Sanchez, Michael Capparelli, Michelle Brown, and Carissa Gardner for their efforts to promote generosity, business, and breakfast on a Wednesday morning. To all organizations supporting the relief of those affected by this hurricane season, I thank you. For more info on how you can help New Orleans families, check out www.nolahurricanefund.org