>>> The News: JAY KAY!
By staff writer Amir Blumenfeld
October 3, 2004
The real news (for boring people)
The breakdown (for college people)
Bush Victory Stirs Mixed Reactions, Caution in Troubled Mideast
CAIRO (AFP) – The prospect of George W. Bush spending four more years in the White House drew mixed reactions and a dose of caution in the troubled Middle East.
By Middle East, do you mean Illinois, Indiana and Wisconsin? Orrrrrr….
While Israel and the US-backed leaders of Iraq were confident a second term for Bush would signal more of the same policies, the Palestinian leadership, out of favour with Washington, was cautiously hopeful things might change for it.
I think Kerry would want to keep his “ringing endorsement” from Palestinian leadership as silent as possible….
Iraqi Prime Minister Iyad Allawi said in an interview with Italy's La Repubblica newspaper published before Kerry conceded the election that “whoever is the winner will be our friend. The United States has liberated us from a dictator and a very long period of war and agony.”
You hear that Liberal America?? OUR FRIENDS! Or at least acquaintances. Chums?
The re-election of the man who decided to invade Iraq in March 2003 comes as US-Iraqi forces are braced for a military assault on the rebel bastion of Fallujah.
Oddly enough, Fallujah is also the name of the new Taco Bell item. It's an enchilada inside of a chalupa inside of an enigma.
Predictably, the election prompted contrasting reactions from the main protagonists in the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.
We have reason to believe that the West Bank and its three electoral votes have gone for Kerry!
Top Israeli foreign policy adviser Zalman Shoval congratulated Bush, saying “Israel and the free world has every reason to rejoice over this result.”
Ya hear that liberal America?! EVERY REASON!
“That's not to say that (Democratic challenger John) Kerry would have been a bad president but (Bush's) victory has been seen by some as a victory over terrorism,” added the former ambassador to the United States.
“Also, do you guys know if Measure BB past in Alameda County? I want to know if handicapped people can no longer ride the bus…. I'm just a stickler for political activism! WHAT CAN I SAY?!?” Shoval continued.
“This victory proves that Americans' main concern is security and the war on terrorism,” he added.
Well, American's from the South…and the North…and basically every state that gets really hot in the summer.
Bush's re-election would also allow ties to strengthen further between the two countries and would facilitate Prime Minister Ariel Sharon's plans to withdraw from the Gaza Strip by the end of 2005, Shoval said.
It's not what you think guys. The Gaza Strip is not a nudie bar.
For his part, a Palestinian minister expressed hope that Bush would soften what the Palestinians consider to be a systematically pro-Israeli policy.
I know, Jesus! Why can't he be more fair and support terrorism AS WELL as Israel. ‘Twould be the RIGHT thing to do!
“Perhaps this election will offer a chance to the Bush administration to draw a lesson from the experience of the past year, given that it will be freed from the pressure of elections and lobbies,” said labor minister Ghassan al-Khatib.
I'm sorry I didn't understand that quote, please shoot your translator in the head..
Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat's spokeswoman said in Paris before Bush's victory was confirmed that Palestinians were “worried” about that.
Hahaha. Bush's systematic anti-terrorist agenda worries Arafat? WHAT A SHOCKER! Bush's anti-stem cell research worries Arafat? What a…shocker.
The Palestinian radical movement Hamas took a hard line. “It does not really matter that much to us who is president of the United States,” said spokesman Mashir al-Masri, “but we ask that Bush stop his support for the Zionist enemy.”
YIIIIIIIIKES! *Drum roll, various DJ radio sounds*
“If America persists in its negative position vis-a-vis the Palestinians, we will consider it and its president as enemies.”
Annnnd the cycle continues.
In Iran, where hatred of the “Great Satan” is deeply entrenched, thousands of demonstrators chanting “Death to America” marked the 25th anniversary of the US hostage crisis at the former American embassy in Tehran.
See, now THEY have moxie.
“If Bush is re-elected or not … we will continue to resist with determination and foil the US plots,” said a headscarved woman member of an Islamic volunteer militia.
Hahahahhaha. “FREEDOM SHMEEDOM! If I had it my way, NO FEMALE NOSE WOULD TOUCH THE LIGHT OF DAY! EVER!”