My Organs and I are back, writing about writing an "Organs and I" column. How meta, or postmodern or whatever.
KC: You know, people seem to really like these "Organs and I" columns.
BRAIN: It just goes to show, you're either a genius—
HEART: Or your fans have no taste.
JUNK: All I know is that this column should be all about me. People love me! And really, they should. I'm so awesome and funny and—
KC: Almost completely worthless. Seriously, this was my big hit column. I need to show my writing talents. Really bring it out with a bang.
JUNK: Yes. We should write about banging a girl!
BRAIN: You already did that at least twice.
JUNK: But banging is so fun.
HANDS: I like boobs. They're soft and fun to play with.
MOUTH: Me too. Same reasons.
EYES: Me too. I like big and small ones, as long as they're fun to look at.
EARS: Is anybody concerned that I'm constantly ringing in the right ear?
BRAIN: Yeah, I think we're going deaf.
KC: Nobody wants to hear about that.BRAIN: Are you ever going to grow up past your two-dimensional character?
JUNK: I can show you 3-D if you really want. Just find some porn.
BRAIN: Zing! There's a pun! Include that.
JUNK: Puns are so gay.
BRAIN: Hey, you're not supposed to use that word.
JUNK: PC is gay too.
KC: Okay, okay. Enough of that. What's something interesting we can do for an Organs piece?
JUNK: Banging.
MOUTH: Eating.
GUT: Yeah, eating is fun.
BRAIN: How about what goes on when we watch old reruns of X-Files?
JUNK: How we wonder how people thought Gillian Anderson was hot?
KC: And how Fox Mulder was ever interesting?
BRAIN: Do you think there are really aliens?
EYES: Yes. I see them all the time. I think they're called Goths and Emos.
BRAIN: Wow, a Goth and Emo joke. Hey Eyes, 2005 called, it wants its joke back.
EYES: Hey every shitty comedian ever called, they want their shitty joke back.
JUNK: How about instead of writing, we do something we're actually good at?
KC: You know, it's this kind of attitude that's ruined my self-esteem.
JUNK: We're on a computer. We have internet. Let's just look at porn. It's fun for everyone.
BRAIN: I kind of feel like we've written this column before. Should we look in our archives and check?
KC: Nah. Too much work. I write these "Organs" pieces because they're easy and usually require no research.
JUNK: So, how much longer until we look at porn?
BRAIN: Are you ever going to grow up past your two-dimensional character?
JUNK: I can show you 3-D if you really want. Just find some porn.
KC: Wow, that's almost funny on a really unfunny level.
BUTT: I know, we can write about pooping and farting. That never gets old.
BRAIN: Did it. Did it to death.
KC: Wow, we're so boring, we haven't even had an interesting poop or fart in the past few months.
BRAIN: Maybe "My Organs and I Go to Space!"
KC: And think of a space joke? Too hard.
BRAIN: "My Organs and I Skype with My Mom"?
KC: I feel a lot of incest jokes coming out of that, so no.
FEET: "My Organs and I Wonder Why There's So Much Hair on Me"?
BUTT: That could work.
JUNK: No. God no. Then chicks will think we're too hairy and never bang us.
KC: They don't bang us in the first place.
BRAIN: "My Organs and I Read a Book."
JUNK: Boooooooring.
BRAIN: "My Organs and I Teach a College Course"?
JUNK: It is fun to look at hot college girls. And it's legal to bang them.
BRAIN: I'm going to veto that, because this is our job, and if they found out about us writing about banging college girls, they might think we actually do it. And then we might get fired and be forced to move back to America and work as a fucking bartender again.
KC: That would super-suck.
JUNK: "My Organs and I Search for the Perfect Porn."
EYES: But I get so tired of looking at a million photos of girls doing the exact same thing.
HANDS: And I'm right-hand dominant. That means my right hand types, uses the mouse, strokes the knob, all while the left hand doesn't do shit.
BRAIN: Do you think left-handed people have easier times jacking it?
JUNK: Maybe we should look into learning how to become ambidextrous. Because I have noticed one hand does basically nothing, while the other one is grossly overworked.
EYES: Hey look, we've written 764 words.
KC: Good enough for me.
END