>>> Ask Nicole
By staff writer Nicole McKaig
March 2, 2005
Dear Nicole,
I‘ve been hurt in many relationships, how do I recover from all my hurt and get over my fear of being hurt so that maybe I can some day meet someone?
-Fran
Dear Fran,
Don't waste your time. You're just going to get screwed again. My advice is to find a new hobby that's safer than dating. Something less likely to leave you bruised, bloody, and emotionally crippled. Naked bullfighting comes to mind.
Sincerely,
Nicole
Dear Nicole,
Why not?
-Drew
Dear Drew,
Because it's too damn risky, that's why. Look: I've been saying this for years.The United States should… nay, MUST… execute a preemptive strike against the continent of Antarctica. It seems innocuous enough, but that's it's power. No one expects a nation inhabited by Chinstrap penguins and Snow petrel to suddenly let loose with an A-bomb. But if Americans want to continue to sit in their living rooms swallowing Discovery Channel propaganda, there's nothing I can do about it.
Sincerely,
Nicole
Dear Nicole,
i want to kiss u, i want to spend a night with with u.
-Qasim
Dear Qasim,
The going rate is eight bucks. Cough it up.
Sincerely,
Nicole
Dear Nicole,
I've heard that going back in time feels better than having sex. Please advise.
-Il-yo
Dear Il-yo,
I can't really say, since I haven't done both. But I can tell you that time travel feels pretty fantastic.
Sincerely,
Nicole