I know we're not on speaking terms right now, but I'd like to apologize to you for my actions the other night. I let the whole orgy down, and I understand a few people are still in the hospital.
First of all, I appreciate you giving me a chance to partake in your orgy. I understand you're very selective with who you draft for your orgies. You saw me practicing from afar, thought I'd be good at orgying, and let me participate. I guess orgies just aren't my thing. Maybe I'd be better suited for gangbangs.
I remember first opening the door to your orgy mansion. I was so excited. My excitement mixed with an intense nervousness. I was like a 10-year-old girl. A 10-year-old girl about to attend the biggest fuckfest for 500 miles around.
I didn't bother knocking. I could hear the moans of pleasure, coughing, and screams through the thick wooden door. I knew I was in the right place. I pushed open the door slowly, looking in wonderment at all the naked bodies moving in and out of each other, every possible body part going into every possible hole. Golden skin everywhere. Hair, fluids, and sweat littering the air. That unmistakable orgy smell.
Everyone looked at me as I walked in. I was the only one wearing clothes. Yet I felt so naked.
I sat down on the floor in the corner and watched. I let my eyes lose focus. Everything became a blur. Penetrating blur. Spurts of sperm lasering through the air around me. Naked, beautiful women being dominated. I knew it wasn't December, but it was still hard to believe that this wasn't Christmas.
In my frantic orgy haze, I had gone too far…too hard…too fast. I was lost in my own penis, I didn't know.Then I heard my name being called, jarring me out of my euphoria. This was like a real-life porn happening in front of my eyes.
And I'm the starring actor. You're screaming urgently for me to go in. I was like a boy getting his first chance at bat at a Little League game. Would I be Babe Ruth or would my dick curl up in embarrassment?
I'll make you proud, coach. I may be a rookie but I'll make you proud.
I rushed into the orgy, a little too eager. I stuck my penis in every crevice I saw, and even a few I didn't. All with the speed of a juggler on meth.
I started to feel like I was getting weird looks, but I couldn't tell. That or I just figured everyone was marveling at my amazing genitalia carnival.
I thought–no, I hoped I was the rising star of this orgy. I was an instant legend. I was a male Jenna Jameson. A not-fat-and-ugly Ron Jeremy.
I didn't see the blood.
Or hear the screams.
In the frantic, orgasmic orgy haze I was in, I had gone too far…too hard…too fast. I was lost in my own penis, I didn't know.
I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't see the people falling, bleeding, crying. It was all a violent blur.
Until the handcuffs were closed and my eyes were opened.
They say when the cops got there, I started banging them, too. I didn't see the uniforms, didn't see the badges, didn't see the department-issued tasers.
I'm still twitching and seizing. The penetrating motion, the swinging forward of the hips never goes away. Maybe that's the after effect of being restrained simultaneously with pepper spray, tasers, mace, and batons. But I like to think I programmed myself that day into a sex robot. And I couldn't turn it off.
I've never cried, bled, sneezed, coughed, spit, came, pooped, and pissed all at once before.
I was taken out of the house by an army of cops, leaving the house behind a wreck.
Fortunately, there's no crime in the books for "Ruining an Orgy" or "Raping a Police Officer" so I was set free.
But I'm now banned from anything that slightly resembles sexual intercourse.
Though in a way it was kinda worth it. I'm just thankful I didn't get the death penalty. I know I took several people's lives that day, whether literally or sexually, and will you please tell your grandma I'm praying for her to come out of that coma?