Das German Brauhaus
Review by Winst0n Churchi11:
Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm. I must say your staff have the enthusiasm part down pat.
Rating: Nein stars
The Nazareth Inn
Review by M&J Christ:
I know it was a last-minute booking but our room request of upper floor, desert view was not only ignored, we were given a room not even fit for a horse. The breakfast buffet was lacking. Man shall not live by bread alone—I was hopeful for some waffles at the very least. I may be a virgin, but we are not naive.
Rating: 1 superstar
World's Toughest Brainteasers
Review by René Descartesx=y+z:
I think, therefore I am disappointed. No challenge at all.
Rating: x2stars
The Merchant of Venice
Review by Shakespeare_The_Bard:
Be not afraid of greatness. Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon 'em. I fear thou may falleth into a new fourth category: thou shalt never be great.
Rating: 2 stars or not 2 stars?
Monticello Vineyard
Review by PrezGeorge:
I cannot tell a lie: Jefferson's wine should be tossed in the Chesapeake.
Rating: 1 founding father
The Michigan Electric Bar & Grill
Review by Tommy Edison:
Genius is one per cent inspiration, 99% perspiration. Sadly, it seems your chefs have really taken the latter to heart.
Rating: 1 light bulb
Pope Clements Dating Service
Review by HenryDa8th:
I have used your services with limited success. Two beheadings out of six wives is a poor ratio.
Rating: 2 wives
Uber Driver Adam
Review by INewton:
To every action, there is always opposed an equal reaction. My reaction to your driving is shock, nerves, stress and bewilderment. At times, the car defied the laws of gravity.
Rating: 1 apple
The French Monarchy
Review by BIGNapoleanB:
If you want a thing done well, do it yourself. I think France could be better under New Management. Stay tuned.
Rating: ½ revolution
Our American Cousin, at Ford's Theatre
Review by HonestAbe:
There are no bad pictures; that's just how your face looks sometimes. There are, however, bad plays, and this is one. I doubt I shall last the whole play.
Rating: 0 score and four hours wasted
All-You-Can-Eat Dessert et Creperie
Review by MarieAntoinetteEats:
My children convinced me to try this appalling new concept. It has been a tough time for us all, so I agreed. Let them eat cake for dinner? I'd rather lose my head before indulging in such atrocities.
Rating: ½ head
The Huckleberry Inn
Review by M@rk Twain:
The rumour of my death has been greatly exaggerated, though no doubt spurred on by the knowledge of me having dined in your restaurant.
Rating: 1 ½ Mississippi's