Funny Lists

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10 Ways to Get Closer to God, If You’re into That Kind of Thing

Sending Him flowers every once in a while, you ingrate.

Robert Frost: - Horse feed - 5-Hour Energy - Map - Seriously you cannot keep calling me to pick you up in the middle of woods

Dear Xfinity, I could not be happier with my wifi. My internet is SO fast and I never randomly lose service while writing an important email.

You can’t move your arms as much as you’d like.

Reading the author's Wikipedia page may have sailed you through book club, but it will not sail you across the river of souls.

If you break up with a man, you'll get a text message. If you break up with a woman, you'll get an Edible Arrangement and a Babeland gift card.

- Sometimes the leader thinks they can fly. - Workers must work as fast as they can with barely any breaks.

Stock Consultant: Honestly, this feels more helpful than predicting the end of winter anyway.

Posting signage around the restaurant that says, “We Pinky Promise We Washed Our Hands Before Returning To Work,” is not comforting.

- Several Loose Flashlights - One Omni-Seasonal Jack-O-Lantern

Thank you so much for inviting me to your ______________ [wedding, dog’s birthday, seance, superspreader BBQ].

- Formed during a hot summer night in a small Kansas town - The absolute worst and most dangerous place to experience one is inside a motor vehicle