Funny Lists

Short, punchy comedy for readers on the go. New humor lists regularly. Quizzes | Submit a List

The McRib Sandwich or My Absent Father?

Very hard to get a hold of. / Rarely available but never disappears forever. / Covered in BBQ sauce.

Subscription to the Nonrefundable Security Deposit Wine of the Month Club – Let them drown their sorrows with Funk Band Bordeaux or Bouquet of Rosé.

The French Monarchy | by BIGNapoleanB | If you want a thing done well, do it yourself. France could be better under New Management. Stay tuned.

All of my passwords and the facial ID on my phone. My mother is sick, Jolene, and now I can’t call her. I had to use a LIBRARY to email Mom.

Dining Room Swear Jar: $1 Dark Corner Of The Attic Swear Jar: $57 Home Office Swear Jar: $0

In March, you say goodbye to your family, friends, and old way of life. It’s time to prepare for a rough journey ahead.

Let whiskey cook slowly until boil. Add reckless spoonfuls of cinnamon until brown haze floats over liquid like a haunted fart.

Left sleeve: Since my left hand is not my dominant hand, I could probably make it an hour or two without this sleeve, but it wouldn’t be ideal.

Best wishes: You are a cold-blooded sadomasochist who is fully aware that by vocalizing one's wishes, they will never come true.

Libra: You’re feeling frustrated because Jupiter is orbiting Buffalo Wild Wings and they won’t let you in without a mask.

Does this apartment have a laundry machine, and just out of curiosity, has anyone discovered a way to wash the mind?

Joe takes me out onto the balcony, places his strong, soft hands on my cheeks and whispers softly in my ear, “Amtrak.” We make love under the moon.