Short, punchy comedy for readers on the go. New humor lists regularly. Quizzes | Submit a List
Hey, Maggie, I’ll cut right to the chase. Please, Maggie, confirm that you’ll see me at Miller’s Tavern tonight at 8 p.m.
You have a personality. Other girls don’t. They have no personality. They aren’t funny and they have no hobbies or interests to speak of.
Early Adopters: The line you wished you’d gotten into to get the better kids than the ones you’re in lockdown with.
Fund your retirement account - The best time to start investing is when you’re born. The second best time is when you’re completely potty-trained.
25% Mommy, 25% Daddy, 25% Mommy’s Yoga Coach, 15% Daddy’s Secretary, 5% Tinder Guy Who Was Into Daddy and Daddy’s Secretary, 5% Lube, 100% PERFECT ME!
Jigsaw sunk into a deep depression after realizing that no one is ever in the mood "to play a game" anymore, especially over Zoom.
Enjoys pretending to teeter on the brink of breakdown to gain physical and emotional labor from loved ones.
"Pups Go Camping" - The PAW Patrol round-up protestors, immigrants, and intellectuals to take to a mandatory camp in the woods.
It may seem like the only offshore things he cares about are drilling and banking, but remember, you are a strong, sexy, SENTIENT storm.
Cabin Fever Delight - Hot dogs sizzle over a space heater because you’ve officially lost it. Time is nothing but a construct.
Joe won’t end gas stations sometimes having bathrooms but sometimes definitely not, with no discernable reason why.
Liquidity: How many glasses of wine Mommy will need before she can help with fifth grade math.