Funny Lists

Weekly funny lists for readers on the go. Quizzes

Starbucks Introduces “New Normal” Seasonal Brews for Apocalyptic Times

Campus Dream — Coming Fall semester, steaming hot espresso with subtle notes of ennui, stale beer and dirty clothes.

"Weed My Flower Beds" – I dare you to tell the difference between a weed and some bullshit my wife planted. I friggin’ dare you!

6. Clothes and Shit -It’s a diaper and not that hard to figure out, for fuck’s sake. -Bedazzling bullshit. -Why the fuck are head holes so small?

Mike [ mahyk ] Pronounced: “my khh” Rhymes with: “yikes!” Common mispronunciations: Matt, Mark How to remember: Mike is short for “open mic night.”

Ferrari Fantasy – A unique blend of Italian leather, capped teeth, micropenis, and snobbiness that will render you speechless.

What does your child do for fun? A) Mescaline. B) Sits quietly while parents read NYT Cooking section. C) Derives enjoyment from pleasing others.

Any stick that has touched a rotting carcass or been rotting carcass-adjacent must become part of the permanent collection immediately.

Seth has returned to his car and confirmed your address for the first time. Your dumplings are no longer crispy or hot. Seth lives with his parents.

Despite what you see on the Zoom, I don’t sunburn easily. (When we can't think of a fun fact, my current boss tells us to try a humblebrag.)

Level 1 Boss: Twitter user with American flag emoji in profile / Special Attack: Signature Retweet-and-Comment, usually in form of an OANN headline.

A love letter, never sent / Pocket Bible (illustrated) / Hard candies, all unwrapped / Sack of flour dressed like a baby, for practice

I deserve my on-campus mansion. I am enough for my on-campus mansion. No one can take my on-campus mansion from me.