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I’m 90% Sure the Blood Bank’s New Email Marketer Is Dracula
FALL Under The Spell Of The New York Blood Center’s Impending Autumn Drive. Ah-Ah-AH!
Funny Lists
“Friends” Episode or Me Ordering a Shitty Microbrew I Can’t Remember the Name of by Describing the Stupid Label?
How you doin' (on this quiz)? Remember “The One with the Cake” and “The One with the Baby on the Bus”?
Ants in My Pants, and Other Animal Conundrums
I have a bug in my mug. I have electric eels in my high heels. I have a giraffe in my carafe.
Other Pluralizations for Fans of “Attorneys General”
You're going to love taking phrases like "rodeos clown" and "bottlenoses dolphin" out for a spin!
Weekly To-Don’t List
Monday: Put on the same underwear you wore yesterday. Mistake a wolf for your grandma.
Reasons Why This Page Was Left Intentionally Blank
Moment of silence but for a page. Total accident and someone is definitely getting fired.
Services I’m Offering as a Striking Writer
Providing an extra hand for “light as a feather stiff as a board” at your next sleepover / Watching your ex’s Instagram story and reporting on their whereabouts
Things I’d Rather Hear than the Constant Ringing in My Ears
My nephew crying because I “stole” one of “his” cheese curds that I bought / Scraping claws as a monster that has haunted me since birth moves closer
Why I, a Man, Did Not Actually Beat Serena Williams at Tennis
Was being a gentleman. Instead of keeping my eye on the ball, I was looking at a picture of big yacht.
Better Responses to the Question “What Do You Do?” When You’re Unemployed
“Oh, I do a little of this, a little of that. Can I be more specific? Yes, but for the sake of my dignity, I’d rather not.”
How to Get Over a Flop Ex-Boyfriend
Imagine him chasing after a ping pong ball. Imagine him eating a banana horizontally, à la corn on the cob.
The Ultimate Personality Test: Are You Myers or Briggs from the Myers-Briggs Test?
Are you comfortable being the center of attention? Do you prefer working as part of a team, or by yourself?