Short, punchy comedy for readers on the go. New humor lists regularly. Quizzes | Submit a List
You're going to love taking phrases like "rodeos clown" and "bottlenoses dolphin" out for a spin!
Monday: Put on the same underwear you wore yesterday. Mistake a wolf for your grandma.
Moment of silence but for a page. Total accident and someone is definitely getting fired.
Providing an extra hand for “light as a feather stiff as a board” at your next sleepover / Watching your ex’s Instagram story and reporting on their whereabouts
My nephew crying because I “stole” one of “his” cheese curds that I bought / Scraping claws as a monster that has haunted me since birth moves closer
Was being a gentleman. Instead of keeping my eye on the ball, I was looking at a picture of big yacht.
“Oh, I do a little of this, a little of that. Can I be more specific? Yes, but for the sake of my dignity, I’d rather not.”
Imagine him chasing after a ping pong ball. Imagine him eating a banana horizontally, à la corn on the cob.
Are you comfortable being the center of attention? Do you prefer working as part of a team, or by yourself?
The good news is I’m lying. It’s just good news. The bad news is I’m a compulsive liar so it’s all mostly bad news, unfortunately.
Every position you try is somehow the wrong one. / Things that should be lubricated are decidedly not, and vice versa.
”Our food lies ahead and death stalks us from behind.” / “Free ice cream is the coal and I am the Choo-Choo.”