Short, punchy comedy for readers on the go. New humor lists regularly. Quizzes | Submit a List
Human Remains – Whoops! You’ve been living your best life for a few months and completely forgot about your boyfriend Carson in the fridge.
Health Benefits: You go to the nurse and it's free! She gives you lollipop when you leave and 6 pats on back for good job not crying over bill.
Unpopulated Island in the Sun / Stayin' Alive Until Extra Ventilators and Testing Becomes Available / Blinded by the Light from My Computer Screen
A struggling WNBA player - Of course, your daughter can absolutely be the best point guard in the WNBA! / Probably bisexual - Give her to age 25.
1876, Rogaine’s Custer’s Last Stand, “Scalp Issues? We’re For You” / 2005, Maxwell House’s Hurricane Katrina, “Good to the Last Levee Drop”
Q: Why did the lizard’s wife leave him? A: He had e-reptile dysfunction / Q: Why did Karen cross the street? A: To sleep with her boss
“Keep your friends close---actually, keep them distant, and your enemies distant too. Stay pretty much six feet away from everyone.”
Albert Einstein - Pencils. No erasers. News clippings explaining Relativity in wrong but hilariously wrong ways. Address book of actual relatives.
Day 27 - Fingerling Potato Sandwich... Use breath to warm four remaining potatoes, rip two pieces of old Amazon box into "bread" slices.
The bedroom. The native language here has more than 50 known words to mean “anxiety” and the local motto is “we’re totally fucked.”
"There is but one truly serious philosophical problem, and that is Godzilla." –Albert Camus / "I came. I saw Godzilla. I ran away." –Julius Caesar
Friendly reminder that client bathroom is for clients only / Executive you’ve never met leaving company / Routine system maintenance this weekend