Funny Lists

Weekly funny lists for readers on the go. Quizzes

Human Infant Parenting Tips from the Year 3521

Clear your neural browser cache before interfacing with your child’s subconscious. Good neural hygiene begins in your own prefrontal cortex!

Margaret Thatcher - Notice you haven’t heard a peep from her since April 8, 2013? Women can also be agents of the patriarchy, too, you know.

Fetsfermönee - The act of drafting a tweet about selling pictures of your feet, then deleting it because your mother follows you.

Stoned college kids convincing themselves it’s really everyone else who is stoned / A yawn that never ends / Vomit splashing into a toilet

Meet supplier to get product. Supplier got goods from distributor. Distributor doesn’t know you or want to. Don't ask questions, just sell.

It’s a bridesmaid-eat-bridesmaid world. / Treat your friends like family and your family like bridesmaids. / Hate the bride, not the bridesmaid.

What would you try to make your shiv out of? The sharpened end of a toothbrush, or the sharpened bones of a rat you found in your cell and then ate.

Pull your wallet out when paying and flash your cute family photos. Have the last one be a photobooth selfie of you and your Keurig.

Treat your Valentine to a fancy restaurant just the way it likes: put off making a reservation as long as possible so all restaurants are booked!

On a scale of 1 to 10, what the hell are these spots on our seats? Cigarette burns? The management just had these seats reupholstered!

Super simple baby carrot white bread casserole / Mocha eggplant cheesecake / Sweet salmon sausage scramblinies / Bok choy bread domes

To keep you safe on long interstate drives, Mother's Gap Lane Assist simulates a choking gasp from your mother’s throat when you veer out of lane.