Funny Lists

Short, punchy comedy for readers on the go. New humor lists regularly. Quizzes | Submit a List

Signs Your Therapist Is a Robot

Instead of a medical degree, they display the Three Laws of Robotics and a nude photo of R2D2 on the wall.

I’m just a Pumpkin Spice Latte, standing in front of a customer, asking them to love me for more than 55 days a year...

Why couldn’t the palm tree go to the ski resort in Switzerland? Because it was alpine and also they are not native to the temperate climatic zone.

Redoing my will tomorrow. I may need your social security number. Don’t text it! / I just watched Get Out. Excellent.

If you SEE something delicious, SAY “that looks yummy!” If you SEE something nutritious, SAY “I think I’ll go back to the yummy thing from earlier.”

Tuppin Yerp - A rascal! Most days you can find him by the creek, fishing rod in one hand and slingshot in the other.

I know it’s not very masculine, but it’s really more for my family than anything. I would have gone with a bigger one if not for my wife.

I’m looking over the transcript between the sea witch and the Little Mermaid and I don’t see the words "squid pro quo" anywhere.

Just a short walk to the train: The nearest subway stop is a mile away and trains don’t stop there on weekends.

Do you promise to never fake orgasms or moon landings? Will you open your heart to your spouse’s family, friends, and cabals?

I'm using my little green thumb to turn up the thermostat and the humidifier at the same time. Now I'm using both hands.

Wilcox - Say hello to Wilcox! Your newest member of the household comes in Smoky Bourbon or Teal.