Weekly funny lists for readers on the go. Quizzes
Ask your millennial co-worker if they need a muscle relaxer when they talk about Twitch, then find out it's not what your back does after a workout.
Uber: For Speed Dating - Sit up front because "you get carsick." Ask the driver if they have any siblings. If they ask you back, you’re in.
"The stone was my Great Aunt Shelley’s! But keep that to yourself... if she knows I stole it from her, she’ll cut me out of her will."
"Friday the 13th" - It’s the thirteenth of the month and Alice Hardy is being stalked by an unstoppable force: her student loan payments.
"Poll: Are you mad at me? Because your sister insinuated some things you might’ve told her about me…"
"Someone New" by Hozier - Listen, I KNOW we put your love life on hold for the last three appointments but think of it as a fun little game.
"Oh, now, don't you be afraid, sweetheart. Death is just a part of life. It's something we're all destined to do."
The way I'm held when I'm hoisted in the air sort of digs into my ribs. I'd be interested in exploring some other hoisting techniques.
Oh my god, I literally have nothing to put on my college applications. Why did you let me quit cross country?
#amactuallywritinggoodshit – This is a great hashtag to show other writers you’re not just writing, you’re writing better stuff than they are!
Lower self entirely to ground. Pick cute dog up overhead (regardless of size). Exclaim over cute dog’s cuteness. Take 3 to 25 pictures of cute dog.
How about some credit for processing all invoices while my boss lectured me on "eating too many microwaved oyster and pastrami sandwiches at work"?