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Ways to Say No to Drugs While Still Looking Cool
“Sorry, I can’t, I’m doing drugs later with a different group of cooler kids.”
Funny Lists
I’m the Penny in Your Couch and Here Are Some of My Friends
Two goldfish crackers. There used to be six, but you reached in between the cushion and ate four of them three weeks after they fell here.
Famous First Lines of Novels, Updated to Drive More Clicks
It was the best of times. What it also was will shock you!
Dracula or Amazon?
- Can easily put you in a trance. - Executes with remarkable speed.
Signs That the Company You Work for Has Been Acquired by a Billionaire
In order to save space, your cubicle has been converted into two pyramidicles.
Tom Cruise or Thomas the Tank Engine?
Despite going through a few trainwrecks in his career, he’s managed to survive them all and continue to get roles as a steamy, leading man.
Solutions to Traffic Congestion the City Is Willing to Try
Asking everybody to scooch over. Or tilt the city a little bit so that everybody rolls one way.
9 Easy Life Hacks That Definitely Aren’t Black Magic, Trust Us
Life Hack: Take some plastic and wrap it around the stem of the banana. This will give the banana a noticeably longer lifespan. This isn’t because of magic!
Customer Satisfaction Survey: Please Rate Your Recent Visit to View the Sunset
Was the Sun clean, odor-free, safe, and professional in appearance? How satisfied were you with your wait time for the Sun to set?
Imaginary Blurbs on the Cover of My 4th Grade Book Report
“Absolutely gripping—by the time you reach the end, you’ll have no doubt that the main theme in Charlotte’s Web is friendship.”
A Guide to Discussing March Madness from a Man Who Just Wants to Fit In at Work
When someone mentions "that Marquette shot from '97," nod and say something noncommittal like, "Hoo yeah, that ol' can of worms!"
Movies with Animal Titles Reviewed by Their Titular Animals
Anaconda on "Anaconda" (1997) Hell yeah, brother. ★★★★