Funny Lists

Weekly funny lists for readers on the go. Quizzes

You Are What Your Nike Sneakers Say You Are

Air Max 180: You say stuff like, "The only way to be a marathon runner is to run a marathon." You've never run a marathon.

On the superhero movie spectrum, representation matters (as long as you're a raccoon).

In the office of your old English professor, the one who took arbitrary points off and wrote "doesn't work," with his lifeless body as a footstool.

Better find a good cuddle buddy for "The Strangers 3: Come On In The Door’s Unlocked!", "The Exorcism of Celine Dione," and "Get Out, Please."

The Avengers discover that “Thanos” was actually an illicit health-technology scheme run by Iron Man’s ex-girlfriend, Elizabeth Holmes.

Paying muggle coach to lie about child’s participation in West Coast quidditch team California Dobbys.

Turning your art into a culinary brand doesn't always pan out. Just ask any soft serve operator at the now-defunct Dali Queen.

I “loved” your announcement on Facebook, and left a comment about how excited I am for you. > I find your friendship exhausting.

"Get Rich Media Banners or Die Tryin’" and "Jenny From the Blockchain": these are the kind of tunes best optimized for my life working here.

After playing four straight championships and winning three, fans are asking, "Is there a cactus who could even come close to beating the Warriors??"

Having sex with my wife. She was planning to vote for Kamala Harris and not Beto prior to their sexual encounter.

Attempt to order Chinese food online. Discover credit card is maxed out. Head into kitchen with acute sense of impending doom.