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Taurus: The Seneca Park Zoo believes they don’t need a sign telling people not to swim in the polar bear enclosure. You will prove them wrong.
Resting Pitch Face – Appears on the verge of talking to you about his screenplay, TV pilot, or tech startup (avoid elevators).
RULE 22.0: Imagine for a moment a model train set circling without purpose—you’re the little plastic conductor.
Let go. Really, just let go. The truth will come. Sometimes a fart will come. A fart is just another kind of truth. #yogaeverydamnday
Number 10 is Just a Number Before Number 11 and One Number After 9 and I Just Relieved Myself In My Pants---See What Happens Next
The Foul-Tempered Oboe: Quicker to anger than the clavier, will just as soon stab you with a double-reed as look at you.
CLIFFORD THE BIG RED DOG Pooped on My Lawn Again After I Specifically Told those Kids to Keep Him off It
Water, harvested from the tears of children whose daddies didn't mean to yell, but dammit it's been a long week, and he's told you three times now.
"For a long time, I didn't care. But now it's been six years since my last promotion, and that has me thinking." —Zachary Easton, Coder
"How Climate Change Is Going To Make Our Planet So Inhospitable You'll Wish You Could Mutate Into A Tree Person From 'Annihilation'" —Vox
Fatima, I've got your college transcripts here. Russian Lit major, Proverbial Folktales minor, now a freelance assistant. So, was Oberlin worth it?
You scan the "Goings On About Town" and bemoan your meaningless existence in some secondary city 790 miles from any actual New Yorkers.