Funny Lists

Weekly funny lists for readers on the go. Quizzes

Biblical Figures Stub Their Toe

Cain: Cain is in pain! Abel: I'm un-Abel to walk comfortably!

- Ask what the specials are, then ask what all the regular items are. - Memorize the entire menu instead.

Dorothy Hamill, for inspiring the bowl cut my mom gave me from ages 6-12.

If you woke up and your partner was an Oscar Mayer wiener, how long could your grief stop you from eating them?

- Let’s form our own special select committee - Please be my Majority Whip - We should move forward with a discharge petition

1099-K, BB-8, WA-7, W-9?

Peabody, Maynard, Wantwit, Athol, Muckspout: fastest route to Muckspout or scathing flurry of insults?

You’re willing to fight for what I deserve. You categorically accept my claim that, “This is not entirely my fault.”

Gallegory: Everything in a story represents something else, but only for the ladies. Men still have to read it literally.

Add More Variety to Your Diet: You’ve either forgotten to eat or had eight meals today. Both count.

Including "The Capable Ice Road Trucker" and "The Priest Who Challenged Me to a Rap Battle at My Nephew’s Baptism.”

OK—technically you didn’t ask this, but no, you’re not supposed to sing along.