“Thou shalt not lie with a man as a woman unless thou art in front of a camera in pursuit of an EGOT.”
1 John 4:23
“It takes great bravery for a man of your persuasion to step into the shoes of men who know other men. Especially when doing so in a wide cinematic release for a substantial purse.”
1 Corinthians 20:6
“There is no greater way to honor the lord, your God, than by portraying an unfathomable stereotype that exists not in nature.”
Pslams 2:3
“You, my son, hath the chiseled physique of a Philistine and the facial features of a young King David. They will not care.”
Mark 4:12
“Jesus said to Peter, ‘You must stand your ground for you have done no wrong. It’s no fault of yours that you were best suited for the role.'”
Matthew 12:34
“If thou art not comfortable showing passion towards another man, my child, we can simply exorcise it from the film. The proclivities of the character matter not to our bottom line.”
1 Kings 15:23
“And the Lord said to Abraham ‘Leave your country and your father’s household and go profit off the persecution of the homosexual, but give him no voice in the matter for it is harsh and wakes the swallows in the morning.'”
Exodus 2:31
“And the angel Gabriel said ‘I bring you tidings of great joy. For unto you is born this day the opportunity of a lifetime. There are those who will remark that you, as a God fearing heterosexual, should not be taking this opportunity because of your sexuality. But that is simply reverse homophobia. Tis true, there is a systemic issue of queer performers not being cast in roles as heterosexuals because of stereotypes and many casting oracles won’t even bring them in the rooms when casting for queer characters, but is it your responsibility to ensure that your fellow artist’s cycle of oppression doth not further continue? Are you, as a white man, not going to put on black face? What a ridiculous notion!'”
Matthew 10:2
“Remember, my child. For there are those who will live in places where being a homosexual is dangerous and you will be their first exposure. Though representation matters not.”
Matthew 5:6
“The Academy values, above all else, sincerity in the role. Therefore, you must ensure that you are gayer than the homosexual nominees, of which there are none.”
John 7:25
“It is easier for a camel to fit through the eye of a needle than a homosexual to have the empathy and talent to portray one of its own. The arts are clearly no place for the queer.”
Galatians 1:1
“Remember above all other things that you must always add in a lisp for emphasis. ”
Revelation 3:3