Pure hand-tickled hops
Yellowish Dye No. 5
I Can’t Believe It’s Not Barley
Yeets
Water, harvested from the tears of children whose daddies didn’t mean to yell, but dammit it’s been a long week, and he’s already told you three times now to calm the hell down
Romaine lettuce
A stream of actual light
Clydesdale dander
Inadvisable courage
Riboflavin
Wistfulness (specifically for nights at the lake the summer between sophomore and junior year when getting your hands on a case of Bud Light was a thrill instead of something you can do whenever you want, which kind of takes most of the fun out of it, but what else are you going to do, and what ever happened to Scotty and the boys anyway, didn’t Dave die?—you think you might have heard that somewhere)
Dilly
A pinch of Spuds MacKenzie ashes (for flavor/tribute)
One rehydrated Bud Dry
Serving size: 12 fl. oz. (first four servings); whatever, numbers are dumb (thereafter)