Humor Columns

Fresh Meat!

Reader stumbles on helpless doe, struggles with college regrets.

Everyone wants a cool nickname, but you don't get to decide what people call you. Just be glad they're calling at all, Mortimer!

If your girlfriend is being anal about abstinence, there's no use going through the ins and outs with her. Go knock up someone else.

Commitment is about more than steady sex. It's about accepting each other's weird sleeping hours, deranged parents, and juicy farts.

A gritty detective story with twists, turns, and a plot speeding along so out of control it could only have been written by 6 people on meth.

The worst part of being sick isn’t the fatigue, or the pain, or even the price of medicine. It’s the lack of sex. Just ask any of Jerry’s Kids.

Why are creative and unusual sentences so effective? 'Cause the bad guy is punished, no money is wasted, and we all get a good laugh.

The secret to a successful career is doing what you love. Unfortunately, blowjobs don't pay nearly as much as jobs that blow.

You can learn a lot about certain cultures by snacking on some of their favorite foods. Did you know Asians are fishy and make you vomit?

If nothing else, national personifications make it a lot easier to make allegories and/or stereotypes. Let's just call them stereogories.

A beer-by-beer account of a day of hot sun, hot girls, and 20 cold ones. Even Anne Frank would be proud this story still exists.

Forget colored tights and camouflaged uniforms. Modern day heroes require a special blend of courage, ingenuity, and animal instinct.